So I don't have much to relate to in Vogue magazine photos, which celebrate the trendy, sinewy, wealthy, and post-millenial*. But I do enjoy some of their articles, and read them at the gym, while operating cardio machines, in a vain (pun intended) attempt to youthify myself.
In recent weeks, I've been pedaling faster than ever with excitement over the hefty September, 2018 issue. That's because I deciphered its secret message to quilters: Turn your patchwork into pricey fashion!
Most of Vogue's pages aren't numbered (why?) so I'll just give you a general idea of regions where this message is hidden. About twenty pages in, there's the following row of napping teens* in a cafe, wearing gloriously-embroidered crazy-quilt skirts, jackets, dresses and purses.
here. And there's a whole page of a model named Bella Hadid wearing them, with equally colorful hair, here.
Next, a coat by a design firm called ETRO appears to incorporate crochet, knitting, metal embellishments, embroidery, furniture tassels, and maybe molas, on the right in this picture:
A much clearer photo is here. The coat costs $7020, with free shipping! How many quilters have sold a quilt for $7020?
Somewhere around page 300, there's a page titled V Life, with a subhead that reads "Flash: Patch Game." The text: "Matchy-matchy style gives way to quirky, offbeat pairings with Bohemian and Western influences." The illustration:
Let's break it down. On the far left, a celebrity named ASAP Rocky, is wearing a coat and pants made from bandanas by a company called ASYM. Separately, bandanas cost about $4 on Amazon, and only $1 each if you buy a dozen on ebay. But sewn together. the shirt is $1550, and the pants are a chill $1390! These facts makes me want to start quilting only in bandanas, which are cheaper than batiks.
The denim jacket in the center/top of the page...
In the lower right of the page, this outfit was sewn together from blue-and-white geometric fabrics, worn by actress Rosario Dawson.
here. If high fashion can sustain African textile artists, can it sustain American quilters too?
On page 327, there's an ad for "Alice + Olivia by Stacey Bendet." This clothing appears to be constructed from patches of Indian or Chinese embroidered silk brocade, punctuated by occasional strips of faux leopard fur, instructing quilters that everything is better with leopard.
at Neiman Marcus where it costs $595. And here's an $800 coat like the one in the middle of the ad.
So how ARE your FUR piecing skills? I'm guessing quarter-inch seam allowances don't work. The next photo shows a fur coat by designer Isabel Marant with traditional pinwheel quilt blocks pieced in. (Or dyed/painted?) I couldn't find the identical jacket online; but I did find a shearling version. (Same coat inside-out?) Price: $5150.
On the facing page, there's this provocative purse:
The round embellishment appears to be a cross between a bosom and a cantaloupe, tattooed with a spiderweb. A purse that also feeds infants would be a fabulous gift for nursing mothers!?
Which certainly explains the bosom-themed purse. (Quilters have been freeing their nipples for years, coming home from work, extracting their bras, and dropping them on the floor, while racing to the sewing machine.)
Just when you think Vogue must have run out of money-making ideas for quilters, page 628 shows us these $3590 Dior boots! Maybe I can glue some quilts to my old boots?
And then, on page 624, only two pages from the end, under the title "Last Look," there's a bunch of Grandmother's flower garden blocks sewn into long gloves.
In summary, fellow quilters, we are vastly underpricing our work. If we would like a living wage from our art, we must strive to sell it to couture firms and designers! They'll turn our tops and UFOs into jackets, gloves, mini skirts, breast-and-leopard themed wearables; and all together, you, me, Vogue, and the young* models - we'll get rich, rich, rich!
*Most current Vogue models weren't even fetuses when I started quilting. But to their credit, the magazine's September issue also includes a very articulate article announcing their new policy to use only elder models - age 18+.
Postscript: Unfortunately, I have no financial affiliation with any of the companies or products mentioned above or below. But some of them might sue me for borrowing their photos.
PS2: Thanks to Wendy of Mission Fitness Center in Alhambra, CA, for granting me permission to swipe their copy of Vogue long enough to write this.
PS3: Buy bandana-print quilt fabric squares here.